The Herring Voices
Frothing at the Mouth: Moist and Lumpy Edition
June 13 to 15, 1997
Da Table of Contents
Do Not Read ThisThis is Herring Voices, o'fishal newsletter of the mightyish House Red Herring of the Principality of Ealdormere of the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc. (not Anarchism or Acronym). Herring Voices is not a corporate publication and doesn't come within a drunken-backwards-with-eyes-closed herring's-throw of delineating SCA policy. Actually, if the corporation knew about us they'd probably disown us!
House Red Herring is a collective based on the equality of all of its members, as well as on the tenet of extreme silliness (without nastiness). We love everybody, and all people are welcome to join the household, if they pass initiation. [Gee. I STILL haven't been initated, so am I a member yet? -- Roland the Ragged, Webmaster]
Herring Voices is a collection of works written, drawn, and pillaged by Herrings.
WARNING! Some people may find this offensive... Please do not take this publication seriously!
!! SPOON !!
Top Ten Reasons Why Mother Herring Believes Her Children Are Not Destined for the Throne
Top Ten Reasons Why Herrings Decided to Seek World Domination
Top Ten Herring Pick-Up Lines
A Modest List of Things You Do Not Wish to Hear at Dance Rehearsal
We Asked House Red Herring "If You Were Made Prince(ss) of Ealdormere, What Would Be the First Thing You Would Do?"
Documentable Norse Personal Names and By-Names for the Herring-Inclined
by an anonymous Norse Viking mumAhh, the selection of a Norse personal name. The very idea strikes terror into the hearts of many parents when naming their precious newborn. It is not a task to be taken lightly.
There is a disturbing trend, of late, for Norse parents to attempt to select the least awkward, humourous, disgusting or grating name they can find for their child -- a trend which must cease! Harmonious names are for victims, not vikings!
As such, I have compiled a short list of lovely Norse name which parents may wish to consider when naming their young ones -- especially if they are Herring. All of the following names were found in The Book of Settlements (a record of settlers in Iceland), and are all period as well as documentable.
The selection of boys names is substantially larger (unfortunately) than that for girls. The first category consists of names which simply sound humourous (the number in parenthesis is a page reference): Balki (a la Perfect Strangers, 20), Blaeing (35), Blaeng (76), Bodmod (37), Bork (a Swedish Chef word, 25), Gnup (this one kills me, 24), Naddodd (16), Siggtrygg (27), Smidkel (for the intellectual child, 30), Svart (HA HA, 63). This is, by the way, not a complete list. The second category is names which are words, or which may sound like words: Aud (aren't we all? 30), Birning (you can get a prescription for that, 24), Dadi (porno flashbacks anyone? 94), Gizur (31), Glum (24) and Grim (names for twins? 29), Gudbrand (better than a bad brand, 75), Gudrod (might make him popular with the ladies, 50), Half (of what? 56), Hoggvandil (better than a sheep vandal? 55), Hroar (17), Jokul (Norse "J" is pronounced as "Y", 83), Jora (just add an amusing by-name [eg. Jora Cock], 83), Kadal (not sheep, 101), Klaeng (41), Lambi (ah, those gentle vikings, 37), Odd (25), Saxi (will also make him popular with the ladies, 41), Skum (aren't we all? 37), Snorri (41), Snort (59), Sulki (a sulky viking? 57), Teit (35), Viking (67). First names are also often hyphenated if there are two chosen for the same child. One of my favourite combinations is "Hauk-Illugi" (87, 24). Ick! ;)
Female Norse names are renown for their frumpiness. In this category we have such gems as: Arnbjorg (34), Amthrud (33), and Lopthaena (33). Others, many of which are also lacking in grace but have the added attraction of sounding like or containing other words are: Aud (also appropriate for males, 23), Fridgerd (Kenmore or Frigidaire? 47), Gudrid (for the daughter you're trying to get to leave, 44), Hungerd (ooh, sounds mean! 30), Idunn (great fun with a by-name like "the Priest", 25), Oddbjorg (68), Oddfrid (41), Ondott (for that girl who's always punctual), Rafarta (ack!) 96 Thorny ("Hi, I'm Thorny", as the men drool [or run], 29). [And let's not forget the bestest female Norse name of all, whether it's in the book or not -- Björk :-) Roland]
Best of all is the Norse by-name. Usually come by later on in life, the by-name is traditionally given to an individual by annoying friends or by fond enemies (based on deeds, attributes, etc.). Norse by-names (like other by-names) are rife with Herringness. For example: Ale-Lover (101), Bile (87), Buck-Bottom (84), Butter (18), Cock (100), Cod-Biter (ouch, 46), Dangle-Beard (90), Foul-Fart (54), Grunt-Sow (66), Hairy-Breeks (93), Knob-Buttocks (57), Prick (75), Shaft (82), Slouch (93), the Bald (94), the Bent (36), the Bleater (34), the Chatterer (56), the Clanger (30), the Erect (ooh! 38), the Fish-Driver (45), the Gleeful (56), the Greyish (couldn't make up his/her mind, 56), the Horse-Gelder (great by-name for a woman! 39), the Stoopig (33), the Stutterer (39), Twist-Breeks (wedgie? 54).
In conclusion, there is a world full of humourous combinations possible for the naming of Norse people -- if parents would use their imaginations. If only MY parents had thought things through more thorough... I could be Hungerd the Frenzied Horse-Gelder...
The Unwanted AdsMother Herring will not be he responsible for any deafness caused by herring mating season.
Tavern wenches and boys wanted for the new inn The Pickled Salamander in Brennisteinn Vatn. Talk to Jhone of Woodcotte.
Call to all Vikings: Help Wanted. Disreputable men and women to join crew of Viking raiding party for an excursion planned for mid-May (depending on swiftness of reply to first advertisement). Target: the Saxon shore... and anything else we may come across along the way! Please contact Raven-Dagnan or Skallagrim_the_frenzied@pillagers&rapers-r-us.no.
Wanted to purchase: gently used lord for use as pell. Contact Skallagrim the Frenzied if you know a suitable candidate.
Herring escorts. Discrete and tasteful service available to add sauce to your life. Lunch or dinner encounters offered. Discounts negotiable for multiple bookings. Contact Edmund Bartelot.
Wondering who'll win the next Coronet Tourney? Desperate to know if you'll find love, happiness and prosperity with the lady you met at post-rev? Need someone to talk to about your banishment from your bedchamber? Herring Friends Network (formerly Cohoe's Psychic Line) wants you to call now! For advice on what house to join, who to squire to, whether to fight round or heater, whether to wear the orange hose with the pink doublet, etc., etc., you can trust our gifted psychics to impart their insanity to you. Descended from a long line of psychic spawning non-mammals, our herring friends have inherited their powers and want to use them to
Wanted to Purchase: various basement appliances (racks, shackles, stocks, etc.). No calls, please. Enquire at St. Anne's fountain. Back door, down stairs, light candle, turn left, down stairs, through passage, turn right, down hall, down stairs, second door on the left. Come alone.
Sigurd's Souse & Louse Inn an Brothel. Fine Viking Dining for the whole longboat. Located between the burning village and the wavy fjord, across from Dagnan's Baithouse (vendor of 100% Norman thumb bait). Super Woden's day special -- buy one cow, get the second one at half price!
Lost: one small herring. Last seen with a side order of hash browns. Contact Zillah's Diner.
Wanted: two mid-sized children (boy or girl, no discrimination) to strap to hull of longboat for patch-work purposes. Non-returnable. Please contact Raven-Dagnan immediately.