House Red Herring House Red Herring Logotype
Go to the Shire Page

Go to the Newsletter Page

Go to the Gallery Page

Go to the Herrings Page

Go to the Members Page

Go back to the Herring Voices Page

The Herring Voices

Frothing at the Mouth: Yet still Fully Functional Edition

June 26-28, 1998

Da Table of Contents

Do Not Read This

This is Herring Voices, the newsletter of the sometimes mightyish House Red Herring (name and device lost twice by the herald-types) of the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc. Herring Voices is not available to the general SCAdian public, although copies sometimes find their way into strange places and non-Herrings have reportedly read it without feeling any ill effects (unless they have a nervous stomach where bad jokes and/or non-period pseudo-literature are concerned). It is possible that if you are given a copy of this newsletter that Herring collective is observing you for possible future voluntary assimilation. Remember, you cannot run or hide from your ridiculous side... it is a part of you and you must become one with it to achieve harmony in the universe... or not.

It is resoundingly obvious that Herring Voices is not a corporate publication of the SCA, Inc., and does not come within a bent herring's throw of delineating SCA policies. Actually, if the corporation knew about us, they'd probably hurl.

We are all almost totally irresponsible. Mother Herring sends cold, squishy greetings.

All submissions must have been created by a member of House Red Herring, a Herring candidate, or must have been stolen fair and square.

!! SPOON !!

Back to Top

How to Tell if a Herring is Pregnant

  1. The male Herring fighters decide it would be a good idea to sail off and pillage some far-off unknown village for about 10 months.

  2. The female Herring start carrying streamers and balloons in their backpacks - ready for an unexpected baby shower.

  3. The menfolk all begin to have erratic mood swings, terrified their mate may be next.

  4. If one is, they all are.

  5. Suddenly there's a lot more ale leftover for the men.

  6. A woman fighter's armour suddenly doesn't fit and you notice her shield doesn't quite cover her belly...

  7. The other Houses become very wary.

  8. An eerie silence descends upon the land (quiet before the squall).

  9. The excuse, "I've got a headache" is uttered for the first time. And it's from the men.

  10. The men see the baby-craze in the eyes of their women and start wearing their cups to bed.

Back to Top

Angus and Dwynnen Divided in Smores


Pickled Herring to Go...Hold the Marshmallow

To the Tune of "United in War" By Lady Marian of Heatherdale
With my profuse apologies to the above author
I stole this from an email someone sent me - SKAL

A short rope fence divided two camps,
A household was in civil war.

Herring and herring stood fin-tip to fin,
And Brillo stood in the fore.

Mother herring saw they were few,
And sent her own forces to jeer.

But a Greenhithe band with marshmallow in hand,
Sent them running in fear.

But little did they know that this strife and this woe.
Was caused by one not of their clan.

The first Marshmallow flew aimed at their fish heads,
As the result of Angus' jest.

Ulrich unable to resist such a lark,
Did put the theory to test.

Two campsites noble fought to still stand,
And prisoners were taken on both sides.

And Stuart the brave went to a sleeping bag grave,
By marshmallow cyanide.

And little did they know that this strife and this woe.
Was caused by one not of their clan.

And as marshmallow did fly, up went the cry,
"Not in the head...Not in the eye!"


Back to Top

Yes, Even YOU Can Teach Dance Badly!

  1. Learn to sing the steps of the dance as you do the dance (this drives other people nuts).
  2. Forget the steps and let other people correct you. It's easier to teach something to people when you're inept at it, yourself. Less pressure.
  3. Smile a lot.
  4. Have fun.
  5. Don't be afraid to make mistakes -- most good dances start off as mistakes that catch on.
  6. Make faces and look confused if that's how you feel. Most people hate learning things from people who are confident and look professional at what they do.
  7. Teach other people to sing the steps as they dance -- it's not only good for the cardiovascular system, but they'll be less likely to forget the steps immediately.
  8. If you absolutely have to correct people (no, Damian, I said lift -- not launch your partner), DON'T DO IT SERIOUSLY. Embarrassing people or preaching to them won't make people want to play with you.
  9. Remember that you suck at teaching dancing. So quit being so darned serious and have fun.
  10. If you HAVE to teach dances that are slow, do try to make them interesting...

Back to Top

We Asked House Red Herring "What Would You Name Your Next Child?"

Algernon Aubraye
Perfect -- just like his dad.
Auguste Valizan
Laval if a boy. Because in Arabic "La" means no. Therefore Laval means not val, which describes how likely it is that either me or my persona will be having children. Nocara if a girl. As in: "Reproduction? I No Care A..."
Cecilia the Bountiful
Magnus -- a good Norse name. I'm having my next child by a Viking so it'll turn out more civilized than the Roman's son has.
Damien the Desperate
Ranulf Quickly the Second
Donall Kilcoyne
If it was a daughter, I would call her Marmora (so she can grow up to hate her dad for giving her that name); if it was a son, I would call him Connell (it's a good Irish name, and I can't think of another one off the top of my head).
Dougal the Dingy
You'll have to ask Linnet. Us dirty Scottsmen aren't allowed to name our children...(but just between you and me, I'd either name it Haggis MacDougal or Dolly :-))
Hamish the Black
Wee Little Bastard.
I would name my son Nicholas.
John Cooper
Him: John Jr.; Her: Alice (of course).
Linnet the Lusty
What would I name the child? male -- Snorri HairyBreeks, female -- Helga the Unholdable.
Loki the Mighty
Nellie or Megara for a girl and Excalibur for a boy.
Mulachi the Babe
A good fighter and an angel, too.
Erik the Viking Sheep.
Roland the Ragged
Miracle -- for it would mean a maiden actually had sex with me!!
Seth Caius the Innocent
Not mine.
Skallagrim the Frenzied
Herrid Cod-biter for a viking, or Hauk-Illugi for a male.
Wilheem Caimbull
Big Willy! Little Willy would be more appropriate for a child sharing his father's first name, but the social repercussions are horrible.
Willamona Loveday
Children's names would depend on how many I have, but I would start with Sleepy, Sneezy, Happy, Donner and Blitzen.
Onloan -- not mine either.

Back to Top

The Steps to Angus Reel

(as Explained by a Herring)

Skip, two, three
Skip, two, three
Skip, two, three
Skip, two, three

Back, two, three, four
Stomp stomp stomp, clap clap clap
Hand off right, turn around and....

Skip, two, three
Skip, two, three
Skip, two, three
Skip, two, three

(continue until the music stops or you get dizzy and fall down)
[note: when the woman yips you may do the same]

Back to Top

The Steps to Horse's Bransle*

(as Explained by a Herring)

Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the riiiight
Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the right.
Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the right Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the riiiight.

Men! Stomp, stomp, step to your right, turn to your left.
Women! Stomp, stomp, step to your right, turn to your left.

Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the riiiight
Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the right.
Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the right Two steps to the left and then it's two steps to the riiiight.

(continue until the music stops or someone stomps on your foot)
*we're horses - prance, baby! (try not to snort on the person next to you)

Back to Top

Recipes From The Inn of the Rampant Stoat

Black Cherry Bomb Mead

We at Clan McUs tend to drink a lot. This can be rather expensive so as leader of the Clan I have been making my own mead. It is cheaper and a lot better than the store bought stuff (but everyone is always saying that). My latest experiment into potent potables is Black Cherry Bomb. It is a very dry, highly alcoholic mead that will sneak up on you and make you feel 18 again (especially if you are older than 18).

Here is what you will need (a good brew store should have all these items or ingredients).

  • 2 - 4 Litre carboys (big glass jugs)
  • Airlock (no not the Star Trek kind, ask the brew store guy)
  • 1 kg honey (unpasteurised is better)
  • Water
  • 1 Litre pure black cherry juice (no substitutes on this, unless it is real cherries)
  • 1 packet sparkling wine yeast
  • Little bit O' lemon
  • Little bit O' tea
  • Javex
  • Plastic tubing (3 feet is good)
OK... Now that we have all the stuff, here's what you do. With the javex sterilise the bottle, and rinse well. Boil half the water and put in bottle, add black cherry juice and rest of water (leave a little bit of space at the top of the carboy). Prepare yeast according to instruction on packet. Add little bit O' tea and little bit O' lemon juice to carboy and prepared yeast. Place airlock on top of carboy. We're almost there.

Now that the mixture is bubbling away (this is the yeast turning the sugar into alcohol) leave it in a warm place for 10 - 15 days. After this, have another sterilised carboy on hand. Siphon the mixture into the new carboy and let sit as long as you can. This recipe is ready in about 2 weeks after the first transfer (or racking). To drink this, drain from the carboy into individual bottles. Do not cork the bottles, as the yeast is still active. Killing off the yeast is possible, but not necessary.

Enjoy. Wassail!!!

Back to Top


Wanted: Continent seeks cleaning lady able to work long hours. Speciality in corpse removal, and ignoring the dancing skeleton of death is given preference. Please reply to Box 1456 and callig the words "Black Plague Cleanup" on your reply.

Wanted: Someone to build handrails on the bridge at Frothing. Seth.

Notice: Due to the overwhelming response to Mother Herring's request that all Herring go forth and spawn, we will not require pressgang-style initiations into the Household this year (or perhaps for many years to come -- not that we ever did). Mother Herring would like to thank-you for your support in making this venture such a success, and welcomes the new fry to the House/School.

Back to Top


To Herring friends, Cidaelia and Robere, whose son Alexander was born Tuesday, June 23rd! Welcome to Brennisteinn Vatn, Alexander!

Back to Top