The Herring Voices
Bonfield VII Edition
September 3-6, 1999
Da Table of Contents
Do Not Read ThisThis is Herring Voices, the newsletter of the sometimes mightyish House Red Herring (name and device lost twice by the herald-types) of the Society of Creative Anachronism, Inc. Herring Voices is not available to the general SCAdian public, although copies sometimes find their way into strange places and non-Herrings have reportedly read it without feeling any ill effects (unless they have a nervous stomach where bad jokes and/or non-period pseudo-literature are concerned). It is possible that if you are given a copy of this newsletter that Herring collective is observing you for possible future voluntary assimilation. Remember, you cannot run or hide from your ridiculous side... it is a part of you and you must become one with it to achieve harmony in the universe... or not.
It is resoundingly obvious that Herring Voices is not a corporate publication of the SCA, Inc., and does not come within a bent herring's throw of delineating SCA policies. Actually, if the corporation knew about us, they'd probably hurl.
!! SPOON !!
Herringed RhymesLittle Lady Crystian sat upon a cushion
Scribing her scrolls for the day
Along came Lord Lawrence
With more rec's from Florence
Which curse words made Crystian say
Singing for his supper, singing for his rye,
Little John Cooper, blow your car horn
What is Wilheem made of, what is Wilheem made of?
Cecelia has a lovely Magnus,
Sethy-wethy not so shy
S'more War, S'more War, Eirik Man
Celestria and Thorvald went up the hill
Marguerite's pottage hot, Conon's pottage cold,
SkalutionsQ: My momentary lapse of reason lasts all day. What should I do?
SKAL: Sign up as a berserker on a raiding party. We seem to run out of those rather quickly.
Q: I'm an Olympic longboat oarsman and I need to rid myself of some unwanted arm and leg hair which causes wind resistance. What would you suggest?
Q: A longtime friend has recently come for a visit after a 2 year absence. Before she went back home she used my child to steal from merchants, borrowed (or took) my things without asking, "borrowed" money I couldn't afford, etc... etc... She's betrayed my friendship -- should I lie to her about why I won't see her or should I tell her the truth?
Q: Uh, Skal... I have this embarrassing problem that has to do with shrinkage in cold water. What should I do?
We Asked House Red Herring... "If you were getting handfasted and had to write your partner's vows, what would they be?"
Top Then Things NOT to Say When Trying to Woo a Non-Herring
Clipped from FishnetEirik: Your tent was stolen? How?!?!?
Willa: Like this? **POOF** sneak... sneak.... sneak......
Linnet: Well, I have a ground floor apartment with a small balcony -- I had left the tent in the garbage bag that I had packed it in (it was really dirty..) overnight on said balcony. (Keep in mind that it is a solid concrete balcony -- you cannot see through the railing at all.) I went out the next day to put it up to dry, and it was gone. *shrug* I have no idea who took it, or what they will do with it -- I still have the poles..
Willa: Maybe you should post a big sarcastic sign to the thief suggesting they at least come get the poles so the tent doesn't go to waste.
Skal: Well, my first thought was that perhaps the thieves were making a gargantuan pita sandwich and couldn't find anything better to use as a pita. My second thought was that a group of guerrilla poles (that's "poles", rather than "individuals of Polish descent" that were canvas-less poached your tent during a midnight round of Hole in the Wall (or was that "Hole in the Balcony"?!) during which the original poles that went with your canvas were so tired from holding the canvas up through War that they failed to give their canvas the attention it needed where upon said canvas contrived to be stolen by some fresh and less droopy poles, which were more satisfying under the stars, shall we say. I mean, it's all very reasonable... you can't expect a self-respecting canvas to wait around all night twiddling it's grommets, hoping for some pole it's been paired up with to regain its vigour... if you know what I mean. A canvas has needs...
Wilheem: All I can say to this, is even after the rigours of war, and the onslaught of a stint at Bonfield, MY tent is very happy with the sturdiness, and quality of performance of its poles, and the poles are more than willing to hold up the tent once again for as long as necessary:) Perhaps everyone should sit back and contemplate the relationship between their tent and its poles before going any further.
Willa: Uh oh. What's the implication in that I sleep in a hammock without the need for poles, while Chris sleeps in his tent alone? His tent requires six very flexible poles, each of which slip through several grommets at once. I'll join him if I'm cold or wet.
Wilheem: PS, as for what they'll do with a tent without poles, my thought would be parachuting, but then again, that's only from the eyes of an eight year old:)
Willa: That's not much of a jump, is it? I mean an eight year old's eyes are typically only about four feet off the ground.
UnclassifiedsWANT AD: Loking four my marbles. I had them when I left the faeries, but can knot seam to find them. Reward of two cat's eyes if found. Please lok four Donall at Bonfield if found. Danka!
FOR SALE OR TRADE: Willa sized garb available following our expected birth in November. Must make room for new wardrobe of 'nursing' barb. Gored dresses, shifts, and warm tunics must find a new home. Also available are assorted pieces of men's garb that don't really fit John Cooper's size or taste. Some newly sewn, some well loved. All pieces will be mended and in good repair. Contact Willamona at the events or in Mundania.
SWF gypsy interested in learning Norse customs, loves the outdoors, sheep-curious, looking to meet a wealthy Viking with many sheep and a lot of patience -- Ivana
LOST: My heart. Last seen being tenderly cared for by a certain fair maiden who shall remain nameless -- Roland the Ragged