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The Herring Voices

Bring Out Your Dead Edition

November 2, 1996

Da Table of Contents

Do Not Read This

 This is Herring Voices, the newsletter of the soon to be mighty House Red Herring of the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc. Herring Voices is not a vailable to the general public, but some how, some way, copies may find their way into your possession. If this does happen, chances are we're observing you... or there was another mix up with the postal service... or perhaps you're reading this online.

It is rather obvious that Herring Voices is not a corporate publication of the SCA, Inc., and doesn't come within a herring's throw of delineating SCA policies.

We are all irresponsible. Mother Herring sends greetings.

All submissions have been created by members of the household, or have been borrowed from various anonymous sources. If you are a Herring and have a submission for Herring Voices, mail it to orion@cyberbeach.net and it will be forwarded to the proper authorities.

!! SPOON !!

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Top Ten Most Interesting/
Fun Ways to Go
  1. Fatal head-wound during the Korobushka
  2. Run through with a frozen herring during a duel.
  3. Run through with an unfrozen herring during a freak feasting accident.
  4. Fatal fall off of one's own toes during a Pavane.
  5. Too much Toblaro.
  6. Eaten alive by mythical beast(s).
  7. Attacked by rabid goldfish.
  8. Face down in cheesecake.
  9. Set on fire while spun on a giant wheel.
  10. We regret #1 was too gross and lewd to be published.

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House Red Herring Answers...
Who is Your Favourite
Dead Person, and Why?
Algernon Aubrave
None -- After a while they all start to smell.
Celestria Wells
Cleopatra -- So many men, so little time.
Crystian the Undecided
Eleanor of Aquitaine -- For declaring that she was the Queen of England By the wrath of God
Elizabetta Venusta
Vlad II Dracul -- Cool guy and famous knight.
Gillian Cordwainer
Joe the Fishmonger -- He always smelled a little fishy but other than that he was a great guy.
Jhone of Woodcotte
Anne Boleyn -- She practiced putting her head on the block so she could keep her head until losing it.
Juliana the Eager
When the other Herrings don't believe she's a rock.
Loki the Mighty
Great-grandpa Snorri -- For giving her that battle ax for her second birthday.
Linnet the Lusty
Genghis Khan.
Mulachi
Attila the Hun -- It's comforting to know he really is dead.
Skallagrim the Frenzied
My da -- Not many men could give the Dragon of the North Sea indigestion.
Valerian the Voluntary
King Henry VIII -- You know... many, many wives!
Wilfrid of Swifflingham
Harold Godwinson -- For his away win at Stamford Bridge.
Willamona Loveday
Her late husband -- He left for her all of his lands and possessions after that unfortunate mushroom poisoning.
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Future Herring Tombstones
Here Lies Algernon Aubraye and his Armour
May They Rest In Peace

Celestria Wells
|
V
You Are Here

Elizabetha Venusta
Her Beauty Renouned
Shall Live Forever
In Those That Came After

Jhone of Woodcotte
An Insatiate and Luxurious Woman

Linnet the Lusty
Died at Sea
No One Really Knew What Boat She Was On...

(Mulachi the Babe's tombstone
would say nothing as
none of this friends were literate)

Skallagrim the Frenzied
GET OFF MY HEAD!

Valerian the Voluntary
Took on one too many

Wilfrid of Swifflingham
He wa a little better thing than
earth wherein he lies now

Willamona Loveday
After many wars and a year at sea,
She finally died by leaves of three

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